Para Para Paradise - this isn't!


Paradise Hills (2019) –Fantasy, Sci-Fi, Thriller

So, my rational behind watching this, was I’ve broken my shoulder and ribs and can’t move from the sofa for the next couple of hours before my next set of physio exercises, so I need something to watch and so I turned to Netflix, who answered my search query for a Sci-Fi/Fantasy film with this offering. I’d never heard of it but Milla Jovovich usually delivers in Sci-Fi/Fantasy films (The Fifth Element/Resident Evil (whatever you think of the films, she’s a good lead – also watch this space as I’m on 4/6 of them at the moment). Emma Roberts is generally good actress, Awkwafina is an upcoming star in the making and Eiza Gonzalez has been in some great action films (Baby Driver, Hobbs & Shaw and performed well in Bloodshot and Alita: Battle Angel). This has all the makings of a very good film. Thank you, Netflix! No, no, no, no, no, not thank you Netflix, do one Netflix, how dare you call this a Fantasy, Sci-Fi film, call it what it is, a pile of dross! Not sure if you’d class anything as spoilers, because I don’t think it’s possible to spoil this film.

Young women get sent to an Island by their rich parents to change their rebellious ways, Milla Jovovich is in charge but she’s also a little bit freaky, young woman are drugged, bad things happen, young women go back home altered to their parents’ perfect image or do they!

Miss Roberts and her friends try and escape and shocks occur – or at least the writers think shocks occur, I think I announced every twist at least twenty minutes before it happened – and I was on my own so didn’t have to announce them, just wanted to vindicate watching it by giving myself something to do. The only bit I didn’t see coming was Miss Jovovich incey wincey secret! I like to have something positive to say about all that I watch and the actresses do a good job with what they are given and go for it with full gusto but these fine actresses deserve so much more. I hope they had a ta bill to pay when they signed up for it.

If you’re reading this and you know me, you know I love a film so bad it’s good, but this just keeps going in the bad direction! I’ll give it 4/20, one for each of the young actresses who unfortunately have to have this on their CV from now on.

Things I’ve learnt this week, try not to get hit by a car, not to break your shoulder or your ribs – because all that realllllllly hurts! And not to randomly pick a film on Netflix as that hurts your viewing pleasure!

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